


cool out.

by solacier



Series: until we are reborn. [1]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, break-up, had to write this in fifteen minutes :'), unedited, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22471390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solacier/pseuds/solacier
Summary: [ cool out / cause, baby, i don't think i'm the one for you ]He doesn't understand at first. But then it hits him: Chris is breaking up with him.And he starts spiraling. He startsremembering.
Relationships: Chris Hartley/Josh Washington
Series: until we are reborn. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616797
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	cool out.

“Josh, just go home.” Chris didn’t even offer him his eyes, didn’t give him a second glance. All he got was the thin scar lining Chris’s cheekbone. All he got was the sign he did something wrong.

He couldn’t help the bitter chuckle leaving him. “So, so that’s it, huh? Not even gonna let me explain my side? Aight, aight, I get you, Cochise! Doesn’t matter what  _ I  _ say or what  _ I  _ want, huh?!”

A burning feeling tightened around his heart. He could practically feel his words on his tongue; They slithered from the depths of his heart. Hot, ugly, a snake of molten  _ steel _ . And he let it loose onto the world. Because,  _ fuck it,  _ Josh thought,  _ doesn’t matter anyways _ . What could a snake do to his heart worse than what Chris did to his own goddamn soul?

He moved closer, stepping onto one of the stairs. “I’ve- What did I even do? You- I thought I could trust  _ you _ . You told me you’d be with me no matter what. What a fucking…” Josh shoved a hand against Chris’s chest, “...Liar! A fucking liar, I trust _ ed  _ you.”

Josh heard Chris’s head knock into the wall behind him. He tensed on instinct.  _ Did I do it too hard?  _ He thought before shaking it. Why should he care? Why should he… The burning anger inside of him choked him out. His thoughts were smothered by smoke. His hands shook under his own grip. Clenched into a fist. all he wanted to do was punch something. Break glass into pieces.

“Just-  _ Say something, goddamnit! _ ” Josh whipped his head back up. “Tell me you hate me. Tell me the truth. Tell me this is all some, some stupid lame prank! Or tell me what you really wanted with me, Chrissy~”

What did it mean?

What was it all… for?

Josh remembered the sleepless nights. Third grade sleepovers, where Josh woke up in a cold sweat, with tears bitten into his skin. He remembered suffocating in the night. Shaking, scared of something he didn’t even know of. It was the first time he wanted to sob. It was the first time he wanted his mom and dad to hold him close. But he could never feel their arms around him. There wasn’t any warmth in the Washington household, because there was no family. But instead Josh got a groggy blond-haired dork rubbing his eyes and looking over at Josh. Instead of his parents, he got Chris. Chris, nine years old, asking him, “ _ You want’a hug? Momma says they keep the monsters ‘way.” _

There were no monsters in the house that night. There was Chris, and that kept his third-grade demons locked away.

And the pattern continued through every year. Even when highschool picked up, and “sleepovers” were a thing of the past, Chris would stop ringing his doorbell and instead walk home alongside the famous Washington son. Josh couldn’t remember when it started happening daily. But he could remember everything feeling  _ right _ . He finally had a friend. Someone that was close to him, someone more than family. Escaping into treehouses. Building pillow forts. Lurking around corners, trying to stifle giggles. 

And in highschool? The only thing they hid were secrets in between alleywalls. He would press Chris against a brick wall, tilting his head with a small laugh. And Chris would shoot him a teasing but embarrassed look, and Josh never fell harder than he did then.  _ “So, this where you want it, Cochise? Pegged you for a ‘kiss me under the Eiffel Tower’ guy, y’know.”  _

Of course he never did, but the laugh Chris gave him was worth the white lie.  _ “I dunno, I think I like the alleyway cliche a little more dude.” _

And it wasn’t fireworks, it wasn’t Paris. But it was Chris, and that was more than anything he could ever see or feel.

But now?

_ I’m losing it,  _ Josh thought, fingernails digging into his palms.  _ I’m losing it. _ He stepped backwards.  _ I don’t want to be here, anymore _ . 

“Josh… I…”

Chris tilted his head up as if it had been chained to the floor. Those eyes would haunt him forever. The eyes which captivated him since forever. The eyes that guided him through the dark. The blue, that blue.

“...I don’t think I’m the one for you.”

And the eyes who lied to him for years.

_ Do you love me? _

Josh felt his heart plummet. Gravity pulled down at his soul. He couldn’t breathe, or at least, he couldn’t tell if he was. How could he? Breathing was the last thing on his mind. All he wanted to know was if he was awake. Was this a cruel nightmare?  _ No… No, it can’t be _ , Josh thought to himself. He’d wake up in a minute or two. He’d wake up with a blanket wrapped around his ankles. He’d wake up and gasp for breath with sweat adorning his face. He’d wake up and scream for Chris.

Chris would be there, nearly breaking his neck trying to look over at Josh.

_ “... Hey, hey, you’re here, Josh. _ ” Soft hands would lay over his shoulders. Hesitating, drawing him close into a hug.  _ “No more monsters, just you and me.” _

Josh thought:  _ Let me wake up, God please, let me wake up. _

_ I don’t want to lose him.  _

“...Josh. Josh? Hey, whoa, dude, are you okay?”

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Josh jerked back, his wrist hitting against the doorframe. “Don’t do that, like, like we’re friends or something!”

Chris sucked in a breath and Josh tensed his shoulders. “You were out of it, Josh, I was just-”

Josh laughed. “No, no, no. You can’t pretend to care about me now, Cochise! No, hah. You can’t keep playing with me. So what is it, Chris? You hate me or do you wanna keep fucking with me,  _ bro _ ?”

He could see Chris freeze, his hand half extended out as if he was trying to grasp Josh’s shoulder. It wouldn’t feel the same. It wouldn’t be the soft hands that cradled him and battled away all the monsters. This wasn’t third grade, and this wasn’t love anymore.

There were no monsters left besides the one in front of him.

“That’s how it’s gonna be then, huh.” Josh finished.

Chris didn’t respond.

“So, did you love me?”

“I… cared about you.”

“Not enough to tell me the truth though.”

“Just go home, Josh.”

_ You are my home, Chris. _

He turned around. He heard the door close. And he cried.

**Author's Note:**

> had to write this in 0 minutes i swear :').   
> completely unedited. because of that, id prefer no constructive criticism because trust me, i know.   
> but i really wanted to post this. :3


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